Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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