Im at strip club and am horny
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
