I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
