My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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