I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
