at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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