I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
