By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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