My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
