if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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