Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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