So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
