time to smoke my breakfast
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Drunk is a universal language darling
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
