we were pretty classy up until the second keg
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
