forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
