you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
