Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
