i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
