I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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