Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
