If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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