I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
