You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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