did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
