hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
