'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
