I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
