...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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