I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
