if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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