what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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