I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
