i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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