I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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