He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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