there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
