It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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