i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My feet surprised me
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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