u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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