the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Couch. On fire.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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