the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
