my phone needs a breathalizer
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
