Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
