On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
