i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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