I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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