i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods