she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.