You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.