I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?