My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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