I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
