Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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