Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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