Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
