My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm getting married
To pizza
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
