just tell him i said nine months
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize