So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
