He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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