Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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