i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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