Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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