she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
