How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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