I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
