She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
